I have a story.
So my sister got run over by a car once. It was a pretty big deal. Well like a year later she got into a little fender bender and was really bent out of shape about it, so I went and got her a cake.
When I put in my order for the cake, the guy at the bakery asked, “Do you want it to say anything?”
And with a perfectly straight face, I said, “‘Sorry you got hit by a car again.’”
He narrowed his eyes a moment, then nodded and wrote it down, and took it to kitchen to get the writing done.
All the way from the back of the kitchen, I hear a woman shout, “‘Again’?!”
(Source: toocooltobehipster, via torn-paper-wings)
when you’re in the grocery store and your jam comes on
Anonymous said: omg if baby oil dissolves condoms what the fuck does it do to babies???
This may be shocking, but babies and condoms are made of different material
When someone touches ur butt